“You can’t control what others do, but you can control what you do and how you react.”
This is the fifth of Frank Viola’s six affirmations. It is an invitation to take a seat in the heavenlies and see from our Father’s vantage point. Let me frame this in terms of what I experience. What others do, or fail to do, has an impact on me, but I have no control over that. The only control I have is over my responses—thoughts, emotions, words and actions.
One thing that comes to mind at the outset is that I often forget, or fail even to notice, the kindnesses of others—their love and mercy and grace. I hope for mercy and grace especially when I’ve been the one to wrong somebody else. Certainly I have received much good from others. But I’m most apt to notice and remember when (in my own judgement) somebody has wronged me. Then I’m out for justice.
Jesus had something to say about this:
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” Matthew 18:21-34.
Should our forbearance apply only to our sisters and brothers in Christ? By his death, Jesus redeemed all of humanity even though, given free will, he knew that not all of humanity would accept redemption. If he is the vine and we are the branches, then we bring forth fruit regardless of whether the beneficiary is a believer. The apostle Paul directs us to do good (provided that good is inspired by the life of Christ) “to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10).
Earlier in the same letter, Paul wrote, “I do not nullify the grace of God…” (Galatians 2:21). The word that is translated “nullify” also means “frustrate” or “set aside.” Our interactions with others always present us with this choice: will we take the grace that comes from the Spirit of Life and set aside the reactions that come from our fallen nature? Or will we set grace aside so that we can respond according to the flesh? To live in God’s grace will bring forth more of the life of Christ. to allow the flesh to dominate eventually will lead to our separation from God, which is spiritual death.
As Paul also wrote to the Galatians, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do” (Galatians 5:16-17). There is no such thing as living by the Spirit and, at the same time, reacting to others in a self-gratifying way. This passage answers a question I’ve had. Paul’s list of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) ends with “self-control.” The term sounds like something that I should be doing, by my own strength. Based on the context, however, it really means setting self aside to let the Spirit take control.
So, I can control what I do and how I react, in the sense that I can choose between the response of the flesh and the response of the Spirit. Yielding to the flesh, no matter how justified it might seem, leads to many evils. Paul also lists these “works of the flesh” in chapter 5 of Galatians. Included in the list are the rivalries, dissensions and divisions that we recognize throughout the history of Christianity. On the contrary, yielding to the Spirit puts the life of Christ on display in the earth. God the Father has a purpose that He is determined to accomplish. This purpose involves re-establishing unity between the individual believer and Himself, and unity among believers. Every time we choose to display the life of the Son, we open another avenue for the Father to achieve His ultimate intention.
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